


The last hope

by Ladate



Series: Hope [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Beta Steve Rogers, Depression, Gen, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Steve Rogers, Omega Verse, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark is a good friend, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-05-09 01:19:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14706407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladate/pseuds/Ladate
Summary: They thought the serum had fixed all of his imperfections, flaws and deviousness. Steve realized he had lost the most wonderful, the most perfect part of himself. The only one that mattered.Beta!Steve wakes up seventy years later and alphas and omegas are extinct.Or the one where Steve is nothing like he's supposed to be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alphas and omegas are all male in this verse.  
> 

The first thing Steve ever does when he is finally released from the grasp of Fury and SHIELD is visit the Smithsonian in DC. He wants to see for himself.

Two months ago. It was 1945. Two month ago he was just soldier, a simple soldier, sacrificing his life for his country. Two months ago he was dying in the middle of the North Atlantic, drowning in freezing water. His mind going blank as water choked him, head spinning with the lack of air, body burning with the piercing cold. His entire being panicking. It is one thing to want to sacrifice your life. It is another to do it. Nothing prepares you to death. Nothing can sooth the rising despair and terror you feel when you're about to die. Even if Steve had wanted to die.

And yet, he didn't. He woke up. Two month ago.  _Seventy years later._

He died a soldier he woke up a hero. He had become a National Icon. The symbol of American patriotism. Captain America, the perfect man who embodies all the values and the beliefs of this great free country. 

It is a funny thing, history.

It is funny how the victors always get to tell the the tales. How they say what they want. How they sugarcoat the facts and turn them into their own fantasies. How ordinary people become heroes because they just did what was expected of them. How terrible men become noble because they were on the right side, the victorious side. How the victors get to decide who are the good people and who are the bad people, what is wrong and what is right.

It seems like a good place be, the war. You carry guns, you drive tanks, you smoke cigarette and laugh at sex jokes while waiting for orders. You get to kill the bad guys. What a wonderful feeling it is, to be so useful. How comforting it is, to know that you do the right thing. What an amazing sensation it is, to be so sure, to be able to believe. You get to sacrifice yourself because you _know_ this the right thing to do.

Steve always thought it was an interesting concept, _the right thing to do_. What is the right think to do? And for who?

The truth is, nothing is so simple. There's no right or wrong in war. There are just things you do to survive. And if you get to win, then they become the right things you do. If you lose, they are wrong, or stupid. Because if you lose, you are the villain in the story.

Those things, those bravery acts, they don't make history. People do. And these people made his story. They told what people wanted to hear. They told them what they wanted to believe, what they _could_ believe.

But this is all a lie. 

Steve Rogers was no hero. Steve Rogers was no patriot and he certainly does not embodies all the values and the beliefs of his country. Steve Rogers was just a broken man _._

He reads about himself. How he had wanted to serve his country so much that he had tried to enroll four times. How honorable of him.

How he had a good heart and a strong will and how he wanted to do good and save his people. _Save his people._  

These people, the ones he supposedly saved, the ones that worshipped him and idealized him, the ones that pretended he was a hero and wanted to do the right thing. These people were not his people. Their war was not his war. But this, they would never know. They would never understand. Because _his_ people, in this day and age, were practically extinct. 

So yes, all the things they have said about him, they're all true. But they are all lies. 

The thing is Steve Rogers didn't want to save these people, he wanted to save one person. _His mate_.

When Bucky enrolled, Steve's heart had stopped. A part of him had left their shabby apartment to fight a war in the other end of the world. Steve had begged him for weeks not to go. He would have done anything, _anything,_ to keep him close but life was not that simple. Alphas were always the first one to be sent to war. They said it was because of their aggressiveness, but Steve knew better. They were sent because no-one cared, because they were _deviant,_ because they didn't have a wife, a family that would wait for them. No-one cared that their omega would be dying a slow and painful death while waiting for them to return. Because no one cared about omegas. Alphas could at least fight wars, but omegas? They were just burdens, anomalies, things that should be hidden away, things that we don't talk about; until they became a myth, like they had never existed.

And Steve had begged, had come up with hundreds of solutions, hundreds of ways to avoid this. It was not their fight, it was not their war. What did it matter to them who won? They were oppressed everywhere. Bucky on the other hand, was optimistic. Maybe this was because he was alpha. Alphas didn't have it as hard as omegas. He was convinced he would come back with a pension and opportunities so they would be able to have a good life, they had promised. And what other choice did they have? They would have to pay a huge fine if Bucky refused to get enrolled. That's how they sent alphas to war. Steve was no fool though, they could promise them anything when they knew they wouldn't get back. They were sent to be butchered, and Bucky was no exception.

So yeah, Steve did everything he could to get enrolled too. _Everything._ Because he could take a punch all day. He could take whatever the bullies would send him. He could work day and night, trying survive in the jungle that this society had pushed them into. He could survive asthma attacks, a weak heart and all the shit he was born with.

But the one thing he couldn't do, was living apart from his mate.

It really is touching the way they explain how Dr Erskin saw so much courage and morals in him that he chose him, scrawny sick little Steve Rogers. That was a good enough story for fairy tales. What a good and noble man, Dr Erskin. It's funny though how they forgot to mention that they had already killed a dozen of alphas trying to inject them the serum, because they were expendable, and what a great opportunity it was to be able to test the serum on an omega. What is wrong with a little experimenting on humans, when it is _the right thing to do_?

That of course, has been carefully kept hidden, the fact that he was omega. Now, he is beta. He is _normal._ People can rely to him. And the serum, supposedly able to cure everything, had unexpectedly changed his omega nature. How convenient! Now they even had evidence to prove their abhorrent theories. 

Steve has no ideas how Alphas and Omegas disappeared. There are several beliefs about that. Some people think it was because they were anomalies and it was an act of God or something, some because of the wars and the oppression they underwent for centuries, some even think it was pollution. But most think that they were simply unadapted to modern age and slowly disappeared to leave place to the normal humans. The truth is there aren't any real studies on the subject, because no one cares. Now they have become part of a myth, a folklore. They are studied like you would study ancient Greek and Roman gods. Their bond has become a fascination, a metaphor for true love, a fantasy. Something everyone wants but knows doesn't exist. 

They are not a myth though. They used to be leaders. Alphas were warriors, protectors of the tribe. They were there to keep the beta families safe. And omegas? Well no-one knows why they existed, but Steve has his own theory about it. Omegas were there for their alphas to come back to, to ground them, so they would keep their sanity and do not indulge in complete rage and aggressiveness. There is so much lies and inaccuracies about alpha-omega bonds. People don't know what is true and what is part of the myth anymore. They don't even believe omegas could carry children. They already thought this was untrue in the forties. Or maybe it was better for them if they couldn't because they could still pretend they didn't have families could continue no caring. 

They could. But even in his time, most omegas were infertile. Rendered sick and barren after thousand years of oppression. The few who weren't had to give birth in secret, away from the public eye. They had no access to medical assistance and they had learned how to do things on their own. And when they survived that, they had to face prejudice and hatred to raise their pup, live in clandestinity, find every tricks and turns to be able to survive. 

Steve and Bucky had tried, desperately, to have a child together. They knew how difficult it would be, they knew they had very little chance for it to happen, they knew perfectly well a kid would complicate their already hard life but they had wanted it, so much. Steve had wished so many times to be able carry Bucky's child. He had prayed so many nights for it to work. He had dreamed so often about him or her and how they would have Bucky's cheeky nose and his blue eyes. Steve was no exception though. His body was much to sickly, he too was barren, like most omegas. Bucky hadn't cared. Steve had always been enough for him. _They_ were enough, they had each other. It was more than they could ever hope for in those days. Steve would never be able to forgive himself though, for not being able to offer that to his mate.

Now of course he saw things differently. Now that he had lost everything. He feels grateful about being infertile while he was still omega. What would he have done if he had given birth to Bucky's children? They would have grown up without their sire, killed at war, like most alphas. Would he have had the strength to raise them? With Bucky gone? Would he have survived? 

_Of course he would have._  He had already. He had survived losing Bucky. Twice.

He had accepted to get the serum to be able to fight the war, to be able to find his mate and be close to him again. Instead he had broken his bond.

_Forever._

Steve's eyes roams over the description of his transformation. How wonderful and amazing it sounds. It was outstanding. The biggest scientific breakthrough of the century, after the H-Bomb and Internet. But definitely the most intricate and fascinating.

That what he is now. That's what he was then. A fascinating experiment. A glorious achievement. A fantastic discovery.

He was so courageous, it says, so brave and strong. Bearing the horrible pain of transformation. His body had been torn apart, broken and shattered and rebuilt again. It was tremendously painful. Enough for normal people to die from it, die from a heart attack.

Steve doesn't remember that pain though. Steve remembers another kind of pain, much more agonizing. A pain he would never recover from. Even now, seventy years later, and just as many wounds to count, the pain was still so very acute in his chest.

Steve had screamed, howled even. But not because his body was aching, no. Because he could feel it. His bond, his unbreakable bond. The bond even death wouldn't break. The serum had broken it. Severed it, destroyed it, destroyed _him._

People had clapped and cheered, overjoyed with that wonderful success. Steve had become a perfect human specimen. Steve was all kinds of perfect. Steve was beta and gathered all the qualities of the most amazing human being on earth. 

Steve had died.

They were all cheering and whistling, congratulating each other for his death. Because Steve had died that day. His heart stopped and would never ever beat the same.

They thought the serum had fixed all of his imperfection and flaws and _deviousness._ Steve realized he had lost the most wonderful, the most perfect part of himself. The only one that mattered. 

Steve had died. Steve was no longer omega. Steve no longer had his mate. _Steve had lost everything._

He is reading the headlines again. _Nazis in New York, mystery man save child_

Of course Steve would save a child. He was no hero. He was _omega._ At least, he used to be. Steve chased Erskine's murderer, not because he was a hero, either, because he was desperately running after his only chance, his only hope to be that again. To be omega and be connected with his mate again.

_Bucky._

_Bucky had been torn apart from his heart._

Steve looks at the photos of the howling commandos, at him and Bucky and the others. No one could have known what they used to be to each other.

Steve had waited for any opportunity to join his mate in the war, see him again, even though they weren't bonded anymore. Even without the bond Bucky was still the love of his life. When Steve learned that his mate's unit had been missing in action, he didn't miss his chance. He set up to save them and find him.

Dozens of units had been missing before, but Steve only set up to save one and he became a hero for that. Strange isn't it? It _is_ strange that such a selfish act could ever be considered as a selfless act of bravery. It is strange and it makes Steve uncomfortable. He's not fit to bear all of this. This is not what he was supposed to do. He was supposed to be at home, nursing, waiting for his alpha to get back from work, not _at war_.

War is no place for omegas.

But Steve wasn't omega anymore. He had lost that. He was beta. And if he ever had hope before that it was instantly crushed when his eyes met Bucky's. He didn't acknowledge him. He didn't look at him anymore, He didn't consider him, not as his mate, at least. And the last sparkle of hope that remained in his damaged heart had been crushed and drown in an instant. Steve had lost Bucky, forever.

He tried to spend to him afterward, ask him. They were both alive even if unbonded. Steve still loved Bucky with all his heart, what did it matter that he was no longer omega? They were above that, their love was stronger. 

Except it wasn't. No for Bucky anyway. Bucky wanted an omega. Alphas loved omegas, omegas loved alphas. Bucky was okay with a wounded, sick and barren omega but he would never look twice at a beta.

They had become stranger in the course of two minutes. They would remain friends, on paper. The truth was far too disturbing for beta people so Steve and Bucky would be best friends in their story. But in reality, Bucky stopped talking to Steve as soon as he rejected him.

Steve thought he would die but he didn't, he survived that too. The rejection. Omegas were born strong and tough. Omegas were supposed to be able to handle their alpha's aggressiveness. Omegas were supposed to handle giving birth with an inadequate body. Steve was strong and tough and resilient, if he couldn't devote his life to his alpha by being his omega, he would do it by being his protector. He would fight to defend him, to keep him alive and well and save him from this war he was sent to against his own will. He might be able to bond again, then Steve thought. If he came back alive and healthy. Alpha could bond several times. He would definitely meet another unbonded omega, with all those alphas dead on duty. Steve would offer him that at least and love him for afar and he would sacrifice his life for that, just like he had sacrificed everything else.

He had failed that too.

They all think Steve was a hero who sacrificed his life for a cause. Steve had no cause. Steve had one purpose in his life: please his alpha. Everything else was secondary. Everything else could have disappeared around them that he wouldn’t have noticed if they were together.

No, Steve Rogers was no hero. He was just broken. A broken man who had nothing to lose.

It would be a lie to say he just committed suicide after failing to do the only thing he was made for. He did fight for their cause in the end. He saw the camps in Germany and found some purpose in this war. At least, in his country, alphas and omegas got to live. It was the lesser evil. 

 

Now, the war has been over for years. The world has changed.  Some things changed for the better, some for the worse. But Steve finds it really hard to find his place in all of this. He may be beta now, but in his heart, he will always, always be omega.

No serum can change that. No serum can heal this pain. No serum can fix the broken part or him, the missing part. He will always be half of one person and always seeking to fill this emptiness he feels inside.

And this, no one here can understand. No one. 

Very few people know he was omega before. He isn't even sure someone knows. And even if someone knew, what would it change? Nothing. Because no one here can feel what he felt, no one can know what he's been through. No one can understand. No one is omega. No one is alpha.

Alphas and omegas are extinct.

Oh, there is still one or the other who would pop out once in a while. Usually they die early, from sickness or insanity. Most commit suicide or worse, end up in a loony bin. People say they're devious, psychotic, deranged. Maybe they are, or maybe they were made this way. Many parents abandoned their alpha and omega --especially omega-- kids back in his days, or left them to rot in mental institute, trying to change their nature. He doubted that had changed much.

If they were lucky to escape that, they live in secret, cursed to a life of clandestinity and loneliness. A life bound to ramble without purpose, without ever finding a mate. Half a life for an incomplete person. This was their destiny now.

Steve only woke up two months ago. There are so many things that are foreign to him. So many things he would never understand. But he has been awake long enough to understand all that, to understand that from now on he was alone in this fucking new world. Alone and empty and had absolutely no chance to ever feel anything good ever again.

There's nothing left of him. Nothing but lies and fake memorabilia.

He looks around him, in this joke of a tribute. Everything that made him who he is now. Everything is there, and nothing's true. He listens to Peggy's voice, telling how she was the last one to talk to him.

It isn't true. It wasn't Peggy who had been the last one talking to him. She was there though. He wonders why she would say something like this. Was she asked to? Was it asked of all the people who knew about him? Was it asked to change his nature for the public eye?

Peggy and him had never shared more than friendly camaraderie. She might have been interested in him. Most women were, in his days, fascinated by omegas. Male who, like them, could give birth. Many wanted to experience sex with omegas. They thought they would be softer maybe. Who knows? Maybe Peggy had been like that. He never knew anyway, if there ever was something like that. He thought Peggy would know him enough to understand he never would be able to do it with a woman.

Steve has absolutely no interest in women. Not now, not before the serum, nor after, never. Steve wanted an alpha, still wants an alpha. Only an alpha could ever satisfy him, but there are no alphas anymore. And even if there are, no alpha would want him: he is beta. He doesn't smell omega, he can't scent alphas, he doesn't emit pheromones, doesn't produce hormones. He doesn't have heats anymore. 

He is broken.

Steve walks to the display in memorial of his mate. He feels a pang in his chest when he reads the inscription:  _best friend since childhood._ Bucky was so much more than that. He hated them, all those betas. He hated them for reducing his bond to this, for denying him a real tribute, a true memorial, for insulting the memory of the great man who was James Buchanan Barnes. _They_ had killed him. With their war. His death is on _them._  His heart sinks and he's holding back his tears --Omegas only show their weaknesses to their alphas-- when he remembers. It was only two months ago for him. Only two little months. Two months since he had failed his mate. Two months since he wasn't able to protect him. Two months since the last time he saw his face.The words resonate in his head. _Bucky Barnes, t_ _he only Howling commando to give his life in service. the only. Give his life. The Only. give his life. Give. His. Life._

Bucky was also the only one among the Howling Commandos to be alpha but that detail couldn't be read anywhere. That as well, had been carefully omitted. Bucky was far from being the only alpha to die in war, though. Two percent of the 16 million US soldiers who served during World War II were alpha, representing almost the entire alpha population in the US. Sixty percent of the four hundred thousand soldiers who died in action were alphas. Bucky was hardly the only one, but that again was not information given freely to just anyone. Their status was quickly forgotten after they had died. Forgotten by the whole population of betas, anyway, because their omegas... They would never be able to live again. A life without your mate, is no life at all for an omega. Even breathing is painful for Steve. Even opening his eyes in the morning is painful and closing them at night is painful. Yet, Steve is no longer omega and no longer bonded.

He needs to throw up.

Steve brings his hand to his mouth and tries to subdue the internal panic he feels inside. He keeps looking at the photo of him and his mate, smiling. He wonders how such a picture has ever been taken. He was already heart broken then. He still is now. Why did they bring him back? He was perfectly well in the ice. Away from this crazy world.

Fury has mumbled something about being given a second chance. Steve didn't care less about their second chance. A second chance at what?

Captain America may be a hero, but Steve Rogers is broken, in a way he would never be able to fix.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the ratings. I wasn't really sure so, to be on the safe side... Anyway, prepare for the angst.

Steve wipes with the sheets the remains of his last meaningless and disappointing encounter between his legs. As usual, he's not satisfied. He takes his phone, a Starkphone, given by the courtesy of Tony Stark, and looks at the time. It's not even midnight. He's a little tired but he still considers having another go. He feels so empty, like a void is expanding inside his body and soul until he's left dizzy and devastated. There's always, always something missing.

His fingers hover over the screen at the different gay apps he installed on the smartphone. Those are definitely one of those things that are incredibly helpful in this new century, especially for someone like him. People thought he would be unsettled by all this new technology but he quickly got his head around it. Stark only needed to show him once how to use this for him to get it. He quickly learned about all the useful things he could do with it. Stark had mentioned those dating apps as a joke, with the intent to offend the delicate and uptight part of him. He really isn't sure why he gives off this kind of image. He may be shy but he's far from being a prude. And he was born omega. He laughs internally while imagining the kind of face Stark would make if he ever knew on what kind of dating apps he spent most of his free time.

He's not an idiot and he's always been resourceful, he had to be, as an omega. He quickly learned what to put on his profile to get sex that, even if not exactly like sex with an alpha, he would never be knotted, got pretty close to it sometimes. It helps him. It helps him keep his mind busy for a few moments, just a few moments before he feels completely empty and useless again. Like the basin of the Danaides, no matter how much and how many times he gets filled he would always remain desperately empty, condemned to the same eternal torment. He wonders what he has done to deserve such a punishment though. 

He looks absentmindedly at the bodies showing on his screen. Most of them are show-off unfortunately, he's also quickly learned how to identify the fake ones, but even those who are genuine would often brag about things they would do to him and very few kept their promises in the bedroom.

He's met some good ones too, he won't lie, but it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. 

This, all of this, is still something new and completely unexpected for him. It's a good thing he thinks, but even after seven months in this new century he's still dumbfounded at these developments. He had never imagined there would be a whole new world in which he could hide away and find a way to indulge in his most primal instincts so easily, and legally. Gay people didn't not exist in his time. Some beta men were interested in other beta men, even women were, but those people were considered even more deviant and perverted than alphas and omegas. Now they can get married and adopt children, they claim their difference but also affirm their belonging to the beta human race, drawing a strong line between them and the depraved and abnormal alphas and omegas. Abominations of nature. 

He stopped being offended by their current stream of thoughts. They don't know anything and could never know and saying this has helped them getting the same rights as everybody else. Who could blame them?

Steve hides his true nature, wandering around in the gay community, getting as much sex as he can get, until death will free him from this torment and this emptiness he feels inside.

He's glad Stark gave him a phone, the previous one, given by SHIELD, gave away everything he did during his free time and they fairly reminded him that Captain America needed to live his life up to certain standards. As if he gave a shit... He'd have no problem dragging Captain America in the mud. His alter ego destroyed everything he had, Captain America killed Steve Rogers. He hates his persona, as much as he hates what history made of him and he hates the legend he became. The only reason he keeps his likings a secret is that as an omega he'd rather live his life hidden from the world. One must never be to careful, omegas know that kind of things perfectly well. They are things that should be kept hidden away.

Therefore, he's quite fortunate they warned him before he went too far. They only thing they know about him is that he has expressed some kind of interest in the history of the gay community. Stark assured him his privacy would remained intact with the Stark phone and even if it didn't it would be Stark knowing and not SHIELD and he was okay with that. Considering his history, Stark would probably not judge. 

He's finally found someone more or less suitable to finish the night with. They chat for a few minutes and rapidly fix a meeting. The man will join him in his shabby motel room in fifteen minutes. He'd thought he'd be more difficult to find sex partners in middle south states, considering people's opinion on the matter, turns out it's as easy as everywhere else, with the added bonus that most of them would rather stay on the discreet side. Who'd have known that the best sex he'd have in the twenty first century would be in the very depths of Tennessee, in the middle of nowhere. 

He gets up with difficulty and heads for the shower, even if some find that arousing, he'd rather clean himself up before he starts round two with another partner. His body hurts everywhere, even though sex wasn't particularly rough. He looks at himself in the broken mirror. He should definitely go back to working out. He stopped going to the gym after the Chitauri attack in New York, when he started his motorbike road trip around America, trying to discover this new foreign country he woke up to. He never though his body would change with the serum but it did. 

Now he's got fat on his sides, he can't see really his abs anymore. His belly is getting round, like he's drunk too much beer. He doesn't drink much though, only when his flings insist to offer him some. He's still quite fit, just fatter and flabbier and very tired and doesn't have as much stamina as he used to. He laughs internally at the sight of his roundish belly, if he could have kept all the semen he got inside of him in there, it would probably look like that. Shame... Yeah people, Captain America is a big cumslut, size queen whore. Get over it!

And he admits that since he can't catch anything, he hasn't always been scrupulously strict regarding protection. Most of the time yes, because his partners insist and objectively, he really thinks this is a good thing, for them, but whenever there's one asking him to do it raw, he obliges. Maybe he should have been more careful... Maybe he did catch something... That would explain the exhaustion and the pain. He's wondered if the effects of the serum were slowly wearing off, or if it was somehow damaged by the seventy years he spent in the ice. 

On the other hand, what if he did? He doesn't really care. He should just maybe do some check up. He has little care for his own safety but he wouldn't want to put someone else in danger. He still cares, a little bit, about other people's well being. He laughs again, internally, imagining the headlines.  _Captain America got HIV in a gay backroom_. That would be hilarious. Fury and Coulson would have a heart attack.   On second thoughts, maybe not... It would stigmatize the gay community again and as a fellow American with a minority background he wouldn't want to do that. He knows all too well what it's like to live on the margins. 

He hops into the shower and rubs himself thoroughly with the cheap soap he found in the room. He gets out and wraps a towel around him. He doesn't even bother drying himself. He hears the knock soon after.

It will be quick and without fuss. No kissing, no fondling, just straight to business. It won't last very long. Another frustrated one, too eager and desperate to make things good.

The door slams and Steve is left alone in his seedy bedroom, bent double on his bed. He starts crying in the sheets. Not that the guy was mean or anything, just because he can't take it anymore. He rarely cries, if ever, but this is too much. The emptiness, the endless pit of desperation he feels every time, it's just too much. He looks once again at the crumpled picture in his hand. The one Stark gave him along with the phone after New York, which used to belong to his father's, one that they couldn't get their hands on, one of him and Bucky, looking and smiling at each other, as if none of it had happened. He feels weird, as if his heart was heaving in his chest, making him feel giddy. He can feel his bonding gland throbbing on his neck, even though he doesn't have one anymore. It has been taken away from him, along with everything else that made him who he was. Only a sad and miserable shadow of himself is left in here. He's crippled. Incomplete. But sometimes, when he thinks of Bucky, it all comes back to haunt him, like ghost limbs.

He muffles his sobs in the sheets, it's been a while since he's cried that much but everything hurts. His heart, his brain, his body. Except this time the pain is worse, much worse, intolerably worse. And soon the soft whimpers turn into painful screaming.  A long and irregular stabbing pain settles in his stomach and spread to his lower back. A sort of pain he's never experience before. An excruciating pain. It's burning and tearing inside of him, to the point he can't walk anymore.

 

He's quite ashamed of himself, but he's riding in an ambulance. He thought about waiting for it to end and enduring it at first but he changed his mind, or rather, some clients of the motel got worried and called 911. 

At the hospital, people look at him funny. He's not sure if it's because of his resemblance with a living legend or if it's because of the strangeness of the situation, or simply morbid curiosity. The hospital is packed with people. Nurses are running around everywhere not knowing which way to turn anymore. They put him on a bed in a corridor and start doing some tests. They look at him with a doubtful look on their faces. He did forget to mention about the serum, so he's happy they don't have time to do a thorough examination and don't ask too many questions. This was definitely a big mistake, but now that he's here. He should at least get checked up. 

They leave him soon and he waits in that same bed, in that same corridor, packed with people, shouts everywhere around him. It looks like a war hospital. He sucks it up but the pain is growing stronger and more acute every minute passing by. The stabbing becomes regular and the spikes of pain get closer. It's unbearable. He turns on his side and curls up on himself pressing his arm on his stomach, trying to forget about the pain.

"Hi! How are you doing, Mr Grant?"

He looks up. A nice looking young doctor is smiling at him. She's holding a file in her hand.

" 'm okay." he mutters but he is obviously not. He can feel the beads of sweat dripping down his temple, he's face is burning red and he's bent double with pain on the bed. 

"Okay. Let's see where we are. I have your results. We'll see if we need to do further examination." He nods. He just wants drugs, even if he knows they won't work on him. Damn serum. She looks at her file and her face gets confused. She looks at him again with an unsettled expression, then she frowns. "I'm sorry Mr Grant, there must be a mistake. I'll be back." And she leaves quickly.

That's when he understands. 

He doesn't know how this could ever be possible but he knows the signs. And it all makes sense now. There's no doubt. There are things omegas just know. He gathers the last of his strength and leaves this horrible place as soon as he can. He doesn't even how he could find it in himself to run away but he did.  He left just in time. Just in time before they discover the horrible truth.

 

Steve gave birth just like every omega in his time. On his own, illegally, hidden away from curious eyes, without no medical assistance whatsoever, without _anyone's_ help.

He had to find somewhere discreet. It's a good thing that he's always known how to disappear in the city. He's glad he took all his stuff with him when he left for the hospital, at least he was able to keep them. He can never live within the society again now. He found an abandoned building formerly occupied by squatters, junkies probably, disregarding every hygiene and safety standard, and did it exactly like he was taught in his childhood. The kind of things that are passed on from omegas to omegas only.

It was the hardest thing he did after losing his mate. His body was ripped in half. It was so unbearably painful he passed out twice and lost half of his blood. If it wasn't for the serum, he would have died already, several times. As male he doesn't have the adequate body for that and as a beta, it's even worth. He doesn't even know how he could survive that. He doesn't even know how he found the strength in him to do that but he did. 

And as miraculously as it could be, the pup survived too.

Steve honestly didn't think it would, very few do. Steve thought it was already dead and that he was having a miscarriage, but looking at the pup now, he realizes he must have been pregnant for a long time. It did not go full term though. Like most babies born from omegas, his son was born too early, much too early. And like most babies born from omegas, his son was scrawny, sickly and weak. Just like he used to be. He was too weak to even cry.

Steve couldn't move, he was too weak, too sore, too exhausted for that. He was still tied to him by the cord. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't even feed him. During the very first hours of its life, Steve held his pup close against his chest, keeping it warm and safe. He didn't even have anything to wipe it clean. They remained in the old broken bathtub in which Steve had delivered. The water he had carried in was scarlet red, and cold. He couldn't even get out, he didn't feel his legs anymore, his body was torn in half and he was still losing blood. He squeezed his son against him, above the water, trying desperately to feed him, but his body wasn't made for that. He couldn't, very few omegas could. He could already feel the life leaving the little scrawny body and tears filled up his eyes.

He never thought the pup would survive more than a few hours, but it did.  

He can finally feel his legs again, he can move. The serum already healed most of his wounds and he can hear and feel the slowing and erratic heartbeat of his pup. It's still alive, barely.

Steve finds the strength to get out of the bathtub. He holds his son close, wraps him up in blankets and ties them to his chest. He's going to find food for his baby. He won't let him die. It's only he and him, now. Just he and him against the rest of the world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filled with medical inaccuracies indeed. It's impossible but it suits my story so suck it up, it's fiction. Don't ask for details though, I don't even wanna know myself!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading and commenting! It warms my heart every time. This is how I repay your kindness. ;-)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

He's soldering the last piece of his new gauntlet when he hears JARVIS calling for him. He finishes and removes the protective helmet with one hand and runs the other in his sweaty hair.

"What?" He barks angrily. He had specifically asked not to be disturbed. 

"Miss Romanov has been calling, Sir."

"I said no exception." He reminds the intrusive AI but he's already forgotten why he was angry in the first place. "What does she want?"

"I don't know, sir. She wouldn't say. It seemed important, however. Shall I put her online?"

He throws the helmet away and take his all brand new gauntlet in his hands, admiring it. "Sure... Whatever."

He can hear a jerky breathing at the other of the line. "Finally." She says. 

"What's up?" He asked nonchalantly.

"We lost Steve."

"What do you mean we lost Steve? Steve who?"

He knows exactly which Steve she talks about, he just likes getting on people's nerve and she deserved it, she interrupted him. Besides, he doesn't like the tone of her voice implying she's gonna to ask something to him.

"Steve!" She repeats angrily.

He's still focused on his last piece of art. "Oh you mean incredibly boring stick-up-his-ass Captain Rogers Steve?"

"Yeah, that one."

He isn't sure exactly why this is so important. Steve is a grown man for fuck sake. Just leave him be. "And?"

"And he's Captain America and doesn't know a fucking shit about this century, Stark."

"Okay. Rogers needs a babysitter, I get that. How exactly is this any of my concern?"

"Because we can't find him with your untraceable phone, jackass."

He smiles internally while he congratulates himself. He just thumbed his nose at Fury and his super spies clique. The poor fellow seemed so lost in this world, and they never stopped harassing him, controlling every fucking thing he did. He just gave him an out and he's quite proud he took it. 

"And what exactly am I supposed to do?"

"Find him and bring him back!" She barked. 

The angry tone of her voice gives away the concern behind her bossy attitude. He likes Natasha, despite the obvious animosity between them right now. He just doesn't like being ordered around, and admits that he enjoys being a pain in their asses much too well.

"I don't take orders, from anyone and even less from you."

She sighs. She knows she rubbed him the wrong the way and so she changes tactics. 

"I know you don't, but you care about him right?"  She asks with a soft and caring voice. "I know you do."

"And you say this because?"

"You're the one he trusts the most among the team, Stark. Maybe the only one he trusts."

He burst out laughing and stops as abruptly as he started.

"I'm serious, Tony. You may think he hates you because of how things started between the two of you but--"

"No kidding!" He exclaims. 

"Am I ever?" She snarls. "He thinks highly of you. I can tell. Please look for him. We're worried."

"Who's we?"

"Just find him please. He likely went to a hospital and then ran away. Maybe he's sick or hurt... or worse. We've completely lost track of him since then, and it's been two days."

So Rogers just got them left behind. He didn't know he had that in him. Well done Rogers!

"Okay, but I'm telling you. If I find him and he doesn't want SHIELD to know his whereabouts, I won't tell you shit. He must have had his reasons for running away." And Tony really could think of hundreds of reason to run away from SHIELD.

"Just let us know he's safe. I'm sending you the data."

 

Natasha's right. Tony cares. He's fond of the man despite everything. He feels sorry for him really, and he kind of relates to him somehow. He could see the deep loneliness in his eyes when they first met and it made his original grudge against him waver until it crumbled down. He seemed so lonely and helpless in this new world and nobody seemed to notice how much he just didn't want to be there, how much he seemed to not belong, to feel so distant and inadequate. Tony knew, because Tony had felt like that his whole life. Nobody knows loneliness the way he knows it. Nobody knows how much of an outsider he feels. Nobody could ever know.

Tony tries to track Steve's phone but it's a dead end. He probably got rid of it. Smart guy. So he tries something else and finally finds something worth. It's just a lead but it seems genuine. Jarvis spotted someone who looked more or less like Steve --A fat, bearded, much older and really dirty version of him-- buying some baby formula in the middle of nowhere, Arkansas.

Quite odd he supposes but it's the best he got.

It took him forty minutes from Malibu to fly over to the drug store with the suit. It took him two days to potentially locate the man's hideout. It's an old broken down building, very likely abandoned and dangerously about to collapse. He's happy he completed the last version of the stealthy flying mode of his suit before coming here. He'd rather stay on the low for this. Steve wouldn't want their happy reunion broadcasted throughout the country.

He penetrates silently, trying to make as little noise as he can. It's already been half an hour that he's been exploring the building when he comes face to face with a very peculiar scenery.

It's somethings from another time, another world, something we don't talk about. Something he never thought he would ever see with his own eyes. Something he heard about in books and legends, the kind of books that nobody reads. It's a huge hovel made of old blankets and sheets or rags. Something very ugly on the outside but which feels very cosy and warm from the inside, or maybe it feels cosy and warm just for him.

It looks like a _nest..._  And he's very curious to know about whoever made that thing.

He heads over to it slowly, as if he was walking on sacred grounds. It's solemn and pure and so warm and he doesn't want to damage anything. It's beautiful he thinks.

He's still admiring the thing from another age when he feels a hard blow on his head, so powerful his eyes white out. He barely has the time to fire his repulsor back at the intruder before he's knocked out. He was only unconscious for a few seconds, he can thank the armor for that. When he wakes up he can hear a low grunt on his side. He turns and sees the huge form of one grimy super soldier, leaning down against the wall, holding his hand on his stomach, pressing a wound probably. _Fuck!_

He hit him, hard. _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck... What the fuck Tony?_

If he had some doubts concerning the probability of him being Steve on the blurry picture from the drugstore low quality surveillance camera, he's absolutely certain it's him now that he can see for himself. What in hell happened to him? Steve is wearing a pile of rags on his body and his beard is at least ten days long. Tony never saw him with a beard and he almost didn't recognize him at first but he would never forget those blue pools. The man looks exhausted though, in addition to being hurt. Exhausted and apprehensive, and lost, completely lost. He's just a shadow of who he was, of the self-confident and efficient leader he was.  And the look, the look in his eyes is something he would have never expected from Steve. He feels a pang in his chest.

"Steve" He calls out, softly and pleadingly. Steve whimpers painfully. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt y--"

His apology gets interrupted by a soft cry emanating from somewhere towards the nest. Like a kitten's mewl or something, or another small animal. It's weak but it turns Steve's eyes into violent fires. He jumps on his feet and rushes to the hovel, holding something small against him. The look on his face is so frightened and aggressive at the same that it gives Tony shivers.

"No!" Steve shouts with a broken voice as Tony starts to move a foot toward him.

It takes Tony a few moments before he realizes what Steve is holding in arms. It's a baby. A baby so small and scrawny it turns Tony's stomach. It's very likely premature and looks so weak, almost like it's dying.

"Steve..." He pleads and Steve curls up on the baby, protecting it with his whole body as if his own life depended on it. "I'm not here to hurt you or the baby. I promise."

Steve growls in response.

"I'm not with SHIELD. It's just me."

Steve growls again and sends daggers with his eyes. His breathing is hard and erratic. He's hurt and the baby is in really bad shape. They _both_ need medical assistance.

"You need to be checked up in a hospital. You can't stay like this."

Steve opens his mouth and Tony can see all colors of feelings painted on his face. He turns from wary and aggressive to surprised to hopeful to sad to angry and terrified until there's nothing left but rage in his blue eyes.

"No!" He shouts while squeezing the baby against him and turning away from Tony.

"Steve." Tony tries again. "I won't tell, if you don't want me to. I don't owe anyone anything. I can help you, provide you shelter and medical care and nobody will know, I promise, but you need to get checked up. You can't stay like this, this is crazy. It's dying, Steve. If you don't get help the baby won't make it."

A flicker of pain runs through his deep blue eyes, shining in the dark and moldy room. He knows Tony is right, there's no way a baby this sickly and weak can make it without medical care and even less here, in this unsafe and unhealthy environment. He doesn't move though. He stays hidden and protected inside his nest, shielding the baby from the rest of the world.

Tony needs to convince him. "I have room and equipment in the Tower, we can go there. You can stay there, you and the baby, and nobody will know, I promise. I'll call for a doctor. We'll be discreet. Please Steve, just come with me."

 

Maybe Natasha was also right when she said he trusted Tony. It didn't take much effort to convince Steve to follow him. The rest was easy, a private jet and some baby supply shopping and they were on their way to New York.

Steve keeps holding the baby close to him, never letting go, never even letting anyone see. He's looking out the window with a blank expression, not saying anything. The silence is heavy. It's not like they don't know each other. They fought together, side by side, only four months ago, against the Chitauri invasion. They were almost friends. _Almost._ At least, they respected each other, he thinks. Now, it's different and he doesn't know why. Steve is different and Tony feels like a stranger. It's a very peculiar atmosphere and Tony scrutinizes him, searching for some signs, something that would confirm his first impression but he can't find any. And why would he? Surely he would have known otherwise. Steve's neck is as immaculate as a newborn's skin, he doesn't smell anything, he's got nothing. He just got worked up, it happens sometimes, when the loneliness is too much to bear, he would just hold on the slightest sparkle of hope. He needs to if he doesn't want to lose it completely. Still, Steve's behavior rose questions but maybe he just got really hurt. Tony did see the pool of blood in the broken down bathroom and the memory makes him shudder all over.

He gets worried a little bit. He has no idea how this baby got into Steve's possession. And seeing his reaction, it's probably illegal. He just hopes he didn't kidnap him from the hospital or something, because that would be really shitty. He thinks of the pool of blood and a horrible image of Steve cutting down a pregnant women's belly open to take a baby out of it comes to his mind. He's gonna throw up. Oh god, he's not bringing a serial killer home, is he? He thought Steve had all his sanity intact and really wishes he wasn't wrong to trust that. He quickly dismisses that ludicrous idea. He knows Steve. He's not like that.

He texts Jarvis discreetly, asking him to check. The answer comes back a few minutes later. There's no report of babies kidnapped or of women who died in delivery in any of the states within the five days after his disappearance and he doubts the baby is older than a couple of days. That's a relief but this is going to be an issue he'll have to deal with at some point.

Not today. Today he gets Steve to trust him. He's got time to ask him about it later, and to tell him, about the law in this country. You just can't take ownership of a child like that. He'll understand probably, he's a sensible guy, but right now, he's a bit on the edge so Tony will do exactly as he said. He will provide shelter and food and medical care for the both of them and he'll make sure this baby lives, at all costs.

He sends another text, very discreetly, to Natasha. "He's safe." 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! I'm so sorry. I know what I said, last chapter and everything but this chapter was so long... and it didn't turn out the way I wanted at all...
> 
> But I promise, this time I swear, that the next chapter will be the last!!! And I'll update soon! I promise.

Settling Steve in the Tower was no easy business.

The renovations are not finished yet and the top floors are unavailable. It's no place for a baby anyway so Tony decided to give Steve one of the rooms in his current living place. It's temporary until the penthouse is accessible again but it's big and comfortable, and close to the medical room.

The first thing Steve did was testing all the rooms available with a doubtful frown on his face. He tried everything, the bed, the cushions, the faucets in the bathrooms. He swirled around like a tornado or a cat about to give birth, searching for the safest and more comfortable spot for its little kittens. 

The second thing he did was unwrapping the baby from him and clean him up. Tony was allowed to stay in the room but he could not get closer than five feet away. He was able to take a good look though. The baby had miraculously survived and Tony couldn't get his eyes off the scrawny chest moving up and down in a fast and jerky way. The thing must have been barely fifteen inches long for a weight of three or four pounds. It was a boy. He moved his tiny fingers in slow and uncertain motion. Tony felt his heart sink in his chest. That baby was so sickly, it hurt in the deepest part of himself. His stomach churned at the sight of him. How did Steve ever end up with a baby in such a poor state? This is a mystery Tony is dying to discover but he needed to make sure they were both safe first. Steve has the serum, sure, but hidden under all the rags, he didn't seem all that good and healthy, at the moment.

Tony had called Dr Cho from the plane and she would be here soon. Only very high qualified doctors would be able to handle Steve's serumed-up metabolism, and Tony wanted the best of the best for his two guests. Besides he knew Dr Cho personally and knew she could be trusted. Tony wasn't allowed in the medical room and it took much convincing for Steve to let Dr Cho examine the baby but they managed it. It was a little miracle, she said. He shouldn't have been able to survive that long without proper medical care and breathing assistance. It's good she was called on time. He wouldn't have lived another day. She wanted to take some blood sample to do some more accurate tests but Steve's menacing stare when she mentioned it discouraged her and both her and Tony decided not to push things too far, too early. It could wait for another day or two.

The baby will make it but he will need to spend a week or two in an incubator and they will help him breathe with a respirator. Dr Cho estimated his birth three days previously and he was probably into the thirty-second week of the pregnancy when he was born, prematurely, like Tony had thought. She would come back every day to check on him.

When she wanted to examine Steve, he bluntly and adamantly refused. No one would touch him. He was fine. The wound had already healed and everything and...  He _didn't_ look fine. At all. And Tony was worried but the blond Captain is a stubborn bull-head. 

 

Steve is leaning his head on the glass wall separating him from the baby, still hidden under all his rags and grimy beard. He looks devastated and lost. His blue eyes are desperately staring into space, lost in an ocean of melancholy. It makes Tony's heart sink in his chest. He puts a soft and comforting hand on the tall man's shoulder. Steve flinches but doesn't turn to him. He keeps staring, looking vaguely at the baby under the glass protection. 

"What's his name?" Tony asks.

Steve doesn't answer.

"You didn't give him a name?"

Steve opens his mouth but closes it before any sound could come out. He keeps staring into space.

"How should I call him?"

"Baby." Steve finally says with a hoarse voice, still not looking at Tony.

Tony chuckles. "That's harsh. He needs a name."

"I'll give him a name when he survives."

Tony startles. He did not expect Steve to react like that. The answer was quick and blunt and desperately pessimistic. He squeezes Steve's shoulder in a warm and reassuring gesture. "He will, Steve. I promise you. You heard Dr Cho. He'll make it. You don't need to worry anymore. Everything's gonna be fine."

Steve brings his two hands on the glass, as if he could touch the baby through it. He sighs and leans his head closer. He's crying. There's no tears, no sobs, no soft whimpers, no hard breathing. Nothing but a look of desperation on his face and deep blue eyes filled with agonizing pain. Tony knows he's crying, though. He can't feel it.

Tony wanted to go back home tonight, to Pepper, hold her in his arm while trying to forget that he too felt desperately lonely. A loneliness he would never be able to get away from. An emptiness that nobody, not even Pepper, would ever be able to fill. He wanted to go back to her and forget but he won't. He can't leave Steve like that. What kind of a man would he be?

"You should get cleaned up. You'll feel better. I'll be there with him." Tony finally says after a long moment of silence. 

Steve shakes his head from right to left, slowly, brushing his nose against the glass.

"Okay" Tony sighs. "I'll make you something to eat, then."

* * *

Three weeks have passed and the little miracle almost doubled his weight. Three weeks during which Steve hasn't left the medical room. The baby looks much healthier now, even if he still needs the respirator. He's still without a name though. Tony calls him baby or little miracle or tiny Steve, because he does look like Steve, he thinks, except the eyes, and that's funny. The color is still undetermined but they are big and curious, observing everything around him. Steve won't let Tony take him in his arms but he was allowed to put his finger in his little hand and Tiny Steve squeezed so tightly it made his heart skip.

He hasn't gone back to Malibu. After three days he told Pepper he was going to stay here, until he fixed all this. How long? she asked. Indefinitely. He and Pepper had a fight after that, there was no point, she said. I'll never be able to satisfy you. I don't know what's up with you Tony. I feel like falling in a bottomless pit of despair and loneliness with you. I don't know what's happening in your head, but I can't wait for you indefinitely. She'd said. You're right Pepper, he thinks. You're not good for me, you're not enough. Nobody is. You can flee. You don't need to suffer like that, I'm the one who's cursed.

He's sorry it didn't work out between them. She loved him, he knew that, and he loved her but not the way she deserved to be loved. He couldn't give her that kind of love. He couldn't love anyone. He was denied that, at birth.

Steve finally got out of the medical room, and finally accepted to leave the baby for five minutes and get properly cleaned. "He's gonna be fine" Tony had assured him. "He's sleeping in his bed, with the respirator. Nothing can happen to him and he will be under Jarvis's surveillance." Tony has not been allowed to get into their room yet.  

When Steve gets out of room, it looks like a resurrection. He's finally taken a real shower and shaved his beard. The skin of his face is as soft as a baby's again and his hair, while quite long, are cleanly combed behind. He changed his clothes as well. Not that he hadn't changed them for three weeks. He was just wearing normal clothes and not his protective layers of rags. 

Steve let the baby sleeping in the room and looks a lot less worried than he's been for the past three weeks and Tony sees this as an opportunity to breach the subject that has been boiling in his mind ever since the three of them have moved into the Tower.

Steve sits at the table in front of the plate Tony has prepared for him. He starts eating using his fingers, not really looking at Tony. He never does Tony had noticed. The Steve in every day life is completely different from the Steve on the battlefield. He never talks, he always keeps a low profile, he always looks like he's apologizing for existing. He keeps looking away, always avoiding people's stare. 

Tony really wonders which one of the Steves is the real one.

"There's something we need to talk about." Tony starts.

Steve hums and drops his chicken wing on his plate. He looks up to Tony who is standing in front of him, too restless to be hungry, and licks his fingers. 

"What?" He asks with his deep voice slightly tinged with anger. He hates being cornered into conversations, Tony had noticed, especially when it's about him.

"The baby." Tony sighs.

"I'll give him a name." Steve barks.

"It's not about the name, Steve." 

Steve looks into Tony's eyes and drops the attitude, mouth opened at the unexpected question. A glimpse of worry runs through his eyes. 

"I need to know." Tony carries on. "You can't just keep a baby like that. There are laws and adoption procedures and child protection care and everything. You need to tell me where this baby comes from." Steve grimaces and closes his mouth like a fish. He swallows but doesn't say anything. "I'm sure you have your own reasons for keeping this baby and I have no doubt they're absolutely valuable reasons. And we can deal with that, later, you know I have a team of lawyer and everything, but I need to know. You understand that, right?"

"Don't talk to me like I'm a kid or a retard, Tony." He says with a monotonous voice. "I know perfectly well about the laws concerning children's custody in this country. Believe it or not, I had some time on my hands during those three weeks."

"Okay. Good. That's good. I never thought you were a retard, just so you know. I'm just..." Tony hesitates, choosing carefully his words, trying not to offend the blond. He's scared he's gonna retreat into his shell at the first ill-placed word. "worried that you don't know everything about how things work in this century, that's all."

"The baby's mine Tony." Steve snaps to cut the conversation short and Tony startles, dumbfounded. He opens and closes his mouth trying to say something but he doesn't know what to say. He's confused. Steve has been on the ice for seventy years and the amount of time he spent in the twenty first century is a bit short for him to have had the time to knock up some girl already. Obviously Steve is not ready to talk about this.

"Certainly, but he also has a mother and--"

"There's no mother."

"Perhaps grand parents, a cousin, an uncle... somebody, you know."

Steve stares into Tony's eyes with melancholic blue pools. Anger seems to leave place to sadness. "We're the only family he has." He says with a rasp broken voice.

"hum... clearly, I'm honored you want to include me into this little family nest but that doesn't change the fact that we're gonna have to deal with this at some point. You do realize that?"

Steve stands up so abruptly that his chair falls down behind him. He angrily inhales a deep breath and glares at Tony with a furious pout. He doesn't need to speak for Tony to understand the unspoken threats. He almost can hear every word of it. _Don't you dare try to take the baby from me. I'll leave and you'll never see either of us ever again._

He turns around and heads for his room in heavy strides before Tony could say anything, leaving his half finished plate on the table.

_Shit! Bad fucking move Tony._

* * *

Steve's behavior leaves Tony at a loss. It's not a behavior he would associate to a man, not one like Steve anyway. It's not a behavior he would associate to a woman either. It's different, more instinctive, archaic, _foreign._ It gives him the same peculiar feeling he had when he first entered that broken down building and saw that sort of nest-like hovel. It raises his suspicions again. 

Especially now, after Steve just stormed out of the living room and left Tony baffled, trying to recover from the death glare he threw at him.

He goes to his workshop, trying to change his mind but he can't forget those words. _The baby is mine_. No matter how he turns them around in his head, the baby can't possibly be his. He hasn't been in this century long enough, not forgetting that he spent the first three months locked up in SHIELD headquarters. It's mathematically impossible that he managed to impregnate someone. Yet, he's so instinctively and motherly protective with this child, he's been like this from day one. And it just doesn't make sense. 

After a few tinkering hours he goes back up to their temporary apartment and heads for Steve's room. He holds his hand up in order to knock but changes his mind before his knuckles touch the door. He comes back a few minutes later with a sandwich and knocks.

No answer.

He knocks again. "Steve." He calls. "It's me, can I get in?"

No answer.

He takes the door handle in his hand and tries to turn it open. It's closed. "Jarvis, open the door!" He mutters. He hasn't been willing to intrude on Steve's privacy ever since they moved in here but today, he's too worried. And maybe slightly curious too, but mainly worried.

The door opens and Tony freezes. He stands, dumbfounded in the middle of the room, holding a sandwich on a plate in the air and staring wide-eyed at the scene before him. The whole room is from another age, turned it into something from ancient times. It's definitely a nest, much bigger and softer and cozier than the first one. A nest built with comforters and sheets, with cushions everywhere. The baby bed he's bought is disassembled in one corner of the room. Steve has made a cradle for the baby with pillows and blankets inside the nest, next to it stands the respirator. 

The cradle is empty though, Steve is standing in front of him holding the baby tightly against his chest.

"When did you build this?" Tony asks still dumbfounded.

"I thought you knew." Steve deadpanned, expression unconcerned. 

Tony's heartbeat accelerates. "How would I know?"

"Don't you keep an eye on everything I do?" Steve asks rhetorically, a resigned tone in his voice.

"I do what?" He shouts, slightly offended.

"I saw the cameras Tony."

"Jarvis watches over you, I don't."

He shrugs. "Okay."

Tony remains there, observing the man before him while the silence lingers between them. Steve turns his back to Tony and continues as if he wasn't there. He feeds the baby under Tony's scrutiny, then he changes his diapers and settles him comfortably in the cradle in the nest and lies down next to him, caressing delicately the little fingers of his hands. It's so beautiful and warm and entrancing.

He can hear a soft humming coming from the nest, something like a purr. _Steve is purring?_ And Tony is standing there like an idiot, the plate still in his hand, held up in the air.

It doesn't last long, the baby is already sleeping and Steve comes out of his nest.

"You still here?" He says unconcerned.

"I made you a sandwich." Tony answers as a justification for his unwanted presence. Steve nods and mutters a "thanks" while taking the plate out of Tony's hand more out of politeness than anything else.

"Is the baby sleeping?" Tony asks to find an excuse to stay longer. 

Steve nods and sits down on one of the couches that are in his room. He bites into the sandwich without thinking.

"I won't take the baby from you. That's not what I was trying to say." 

"Okay." He mutters, mouth full of sandwich.

The sandwich is rapidly gone.

"I'm worried about you, Steve."

"I'm fine." He says wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"You haven't been checked out by Dr Cho. And yeah, I know you've got the serum and everything but you were hit pretty hard. And I'm not trying to brag about the efficiency of the suit, but..."

Steve gives a hint of a smile but it so quickly disappears that Tony thinks he just dreamt it. "I said I'm fine." He insists.

"Can I see?"

Steve tugs at his shirt and pulls it up, revealing beautifully ripped and tight abs. The wound is gone, only a slightly reddish and softer skin gives away that there ever was a wound there. Tony can't help reaching for the soft chest. He splays his hand on the warm skin of the young man and strokes slowly up his ribs, as if he needed the proof that he is really fine. Steve gasps.

"Does it hurt?"

The answer comes out hoarse. "No."

Tony removes his hand and walks in front of him, settling between his legs and puts a hand on his shoulder. Steve looks up to him. He doesn't flinch, he doesn't move back, he just stares at Tony, eyes filled with sorrow and a questioning look on his face.

"You know Steve," He says while running his hand up Steve's neck, fondling and stroking at the crook, looking for something. "sometimes wounds are not visible, because they're not physical." He bends his knees and crouches between Steve's legs to face him, his hands still fondling the soft skin of his neck, trying to be comforting.

Steve glances at something on the table next to the couch and he recognizes the picture of Steve and Barnes he gave him when he gave him the phone. It's all crumpled and torn at the corners, as if someone had spent a lifetime looking at it.

"Do you miss him? Do you miss them?" A flicker of pain runs across Steve's eyes and Tony could almost read the answer on his face _yes_ but no sound came out of Steve's mouth. He kept it very shut.

Tony brings his second hand on the other side of Steve's neck and slides them up his nape to cup his face. "You must feel pretty lonely in this century." He whispers. "You must think you're empty sometimes?"

Steve inches back and takes Tony's hands off his face. "What do you know about loneliness?" He says angrily.

Tony puts his hands back on his shoulders "Believe me, I know." Steve's expression gets confused for a moment. His lips tremble. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you after New York." He continues. "I should have been there. We shouldn't have left you alone." He stands and brings Steve's face against his stomach, holding him close. "I just want you to know, that you're not alone anymore. I'm here for you. And I also want you to know, that it's okay, to feel like that."

Steve wraps his arms around him and cries silently, hidden against the warmth of Tony's stomach, the same way he had cried their first night here, in the medical room.

* * *

_Tony needs to know._

He hacked into SHIELD servers.

There are things that he needs to know. He's persuaded of something but he can't get any proof of it. Steve remains a complete mystery. He's looking at his file, but there's nothing. Nothing that hints into that direction. He regrets bitterly having put on fire all of his dad's notes on project rebirth. What a fool! He reads the file again.

Last Name: _Rogers_ / First Name: _Steve_

Date of Birth: _4th of July, 1918_ / Place of Birth: _Brooklyn, NY_

Gender: _Male._ / Status: _Beta._

Race: _Caucasian_

Height: 5'4"   / Weight: 95 lbs.

_..._

_Wait._ _Why did they specify his status?_

It doesn't make sense.They stopped mentioning about people's status at the end of the nineteenth century, when beta people became the norm and only the divergent were specified. Alpha and Omega population had drastically decreased during the nineteenth and twentieth century. After WWII, they were gone from the face of the earth, the very last of alphas had been killed at war, their omegas' death had followed. They died of sorrow, for the most part. Most people today don't even know they ever existed. 

There's something wrong about this.

He dials a number on a secured line and waits.  "You've got some nerve, Stark!" Says the angry female voice at the other end of the line.

"I need help. Is the line secure?"

"What?" She asks in surprise. "Yes. Where have you been? I've been trying to call for like three weeks." She says with a tone full of reproach and worry.

Tony ignores it and goes straight to the point. "Are you sure?" He can't take risks. This is too important. 

"You found Steve a month ago and the only news I got so far was 'he's safe' and now you're asking for help and you don't even trust me?"

"That was the deal." He answers bluntly. "He's still safe. Don't worry! But this conversation happens only between you and me. Can I get your word?"

Natasha's anger cools down. "It's only you and me, Tony, I swear."

"Okay... I need to find something about Steve. Maybe an old file or document, something about his transformation. Something I can't find in the servers."

"Your father was there."

"I know, and I destroyed all his notes. Call me a fool, yeah, but I've reached a deadlock."

"Is Steve okay, Tony?"

"Yes, but there's something that I need to know. And he won't tell me."

"What are you talking about?"

"His status..."

"What do you mean? What status?"

"I think perhaps he was not beta before the serum.

"Not beta?" She asks not seeming to understand what he's referring to until she realizes and asks incredulously."Oh... Really? I mean, are you sure? I thought these people were a myth."

"Believe me." He sighs. "It's not."

There is a pause before she gives a final answer. "Okay... I'll see what I can do."

 

Natasha calls back three days later. 

"So?"

"I didn't see anything about Steve's status" She starts "but I found something."

"What?"

"An old note written by Erskine himself."

"And?"

"It says that after the serum failed on a bunch of alpha subjects, he has found another subject who was willing to participate: an omega."

"Fuck!"

"Do you think that's Steve? Do you really think that Steve could be omega?"

"It's just a feeling, but whatever he was before, I'm not sure he is now."

"How would you know?"

"I don't know anything."

"This is huge Tony. You know that, right?"

"We'll see. Thanks Nat. I'll call you. Just, don't tell anyone, right? Not even Fury. Not even Barton."

"I won't. Say hi for me, okay? I'm worried."

* * *

Ever since Tony forced his way inside Steve's room, he has the feeling they've gotten closer. Steve is more relaxed around him, not as wary of him as he used to be. He doesn't avoid his gaze anymore, at least not as often, and he talks, a little. Not much, but it's something already. Tony was even so lucky as to see him smile once or twice, a shy smile, but a smile nevertheless. He spends more time in the common living room and less time hidden in his nest. He's beginning to trust him, for real, and Tony doesn't know why but it warms his heart. Steve is distant, like a wild animal that Tony is beginning to tame, slowly, with kindness and care, and each little improvement in their relationship is a victory.

It's been more than a week since Natasha called, and Tony hasn't tried to breach the subject with Steve yet, but he's almost certain now. Steve may be or may have been omega and if this really is the case then it's amazing. It's something Tony would have never even hoped for. It's the dream he's never dared to have. Meeting an omega. A real omega. Not one pervert beta who just wants a rough fuck and thinks a knot is cool, without knowing a damn thing about what it means to be omega. It's not even a sex thing. He just wants the company, someone who can understand, someone he can talk to. What if Steve was that person and for all these months he's never known?

Tony doesn't know shit about alphas and omegas. They're all gone. They've been for decades. The only ones he heard about were all dead, prematurely, too sick or too crazy, or both. The ones who supposedly survived, rot in mental institutes. Most are fake, the ones who are not are too damaged to be anything even remotely human anymore. Alphas and omegas are just myths and legends and he doesn't even know what is true and what is just part of the fantasy. He has never met another one. His dad had met some, he had talked to him about it, a little, but he didn't know much either. These are not the kind of things that people talk about lightly. These are the kind of things that we keep secret. Even in his dad's time, they were very rare and lived in secret, clandestinely most of the time. So despite his instincts telling him about Steve, he still has doubts.  

Steve is resting on the couch, cradling the little miracle and Tony can see the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. He feels his heart skip in his chest. He's grown so fond of that baby, of them. He doesn't want them to leave yet, maybe that's why he keeps delaying the moment of truth, when they have to deal with all this shit.

Steve raises his head when he hears Tony approaching, he drops his smile but the light in his eyes tells him that he's not unhappy about Tony being here. Tony smiles at them.

"He's survived." He says cheerfully. The baby is almost a month and a half old and doesn't need the respirator anymore. Dr Cho only comes to check on him once a week. He's growing fine.

Steve smiles, a true smile this time, a beautiful smile. His mouth is closed but his blue eyes illuminates his face. He knows what Tony is referring to. "I know" he answers, almost like a whisper.

The same way Tony is delaying the talk, Steve is delaying giving the baby a name, as if giving him a name would make all this real and he knew they'd have to deal with it. 

"Can I talk to you?" Tony asks trying not to sound too scary.

Steve pinches his lips and nods, tightening his hold on the baby, as if he was already scared Tony would take him away from him.

"There is a myth..." Steve turns to him, a curious glimpse in his eyes. "It's something we don't speak of. Very few people know that it's real." Steve's eyes widen. He stares at Tony half-confused, half-concerned. "I have a feeling that you know what I'm talking about."

The look on Steve's face hardens. He frowns and pouts. "What are you implying?" He asks with a slightly aggressive tone. 

"Do you?" 

"Say what you mean, Tony." He snaps.

"This is the kind of thing we don't say, the kind of thing we keep a secret."

Steve swallows. "I have no secrets." He says hoarsely.

"I think you do."

 Steve sighs, annoyedly. "Get to the point!"

Tony bites his lips and turns away. There's no point. He stands up and sets to leave but stops in the middle of his first step and turns back to Steve while putting his hands on his hips. "Are you omega, Steve?" He asks and he can hear the reproaching tone of his voice. He didn't want to sound like that. He's not angry with Steve. He just doesn't know how to be with him without upsetting him.

"No." Steve snaps back immediately. 

"Were you?" He asks again, choosing his word properly this time. "before the serum, were you omega?"

Steve doesn't say anything, but a flicker of pain crosses the blue of eyes before he looks away from Tony and holds the sleeping baby closer to him. 

"Why would you think that?" He finally says in a broken voice.

"This is all the things you do, they leave me confused, Steve. The nest, the way you act around me, always looking down, looking away, always so secretive. The way you care for this baby... It's so natural in you, as if you were genetically programmed to do that, to care for children. The way you act so instinctively... I... I--"

"Well, if you're so sure then, why are you asking?" He interrupts. 

"I'm _not_ sure." _But you won't tell me, right?_

This is going nowhere. Steve will never say it. These things should be kept hidden. These things we never mention. We don't have to, because we know already. We know. And if we don't, then we don't _need_ to know, we _shouldn't_ know.

Steve instinctively brings his free hand to his neck, where an omega bonding gland should be and strokes absentmindedly, a gesture full of sorrows and regrets. He's looking at his feet, avoiding Tony's gaze and swallows again. "I'm not omega, Tony." He whispers. His lips are trembling. Steve won't tell him, but he just said everything. 

And Tony understands all the things he doesn't say. Steve _was_ omega. He was and he's not anymore, this body is not at least, because the way he looks so lost and inadequate is much more than a wrong century thing. Much more. Steve has lost himself, the deepest, most beautiful, most wonderful part of himself. Steve was left alone, incomplete and disabled in this new foreign century. A wave of despair invades Tony dreadfully. He remembers Natasha's words _a subject who was willing to participate_. How could Steve ever accept to be part of something as cruel as this? He feels anger growing inside of him, anger at Steve, at his dad who was part of it, at this world who fucking wanted to get rid of them. "Why would you do that?" He mutters with a wavering voice.

Steve is angry too. The fire is his eyes burns. He looks up to Tony this time, no more hiding away. "What the fuck do you know?"

Tony thought he knew everything about Captain America. He didn't know shit. He recalls why Steve had wanted to fight in that war so much, what if he had another reason? What could have pushed Steve to participate in an experiment which would cripple him for life,  which would kill him inside? 

"Did you have a mate?" He asks, knowing he won't get any answers. 

Steve, surprisingly, nods.  

It all makes sense now.

"Was it Barnes?"

This time Steve doesn't nod but his face, the pain in his eyes, the desperation he feels, says it all. Steve had a mate and he lost him. Tony can't ever imagine what it'd be like. He could never ever imagine how painful and horrifying it must be.

"I'm so sorry, Steve. So sorry. I can't even find the words."

"Then don't." he says with a croaky voice.

* * *

Tony is chatting with Dr Cho in his workshop, waiting for Natasha. The baby, even if he still doesn't have a name, is in very good health and that's encouraging.

The doors slide open and let the redhead spy enter, followed by Banner.

Tony's hackles raise. He grabs her by the arm and pulls her into a distant corner before they ever get the chance to greet each other. "Hey." She protests.

"What did you do?" He barks angrily, shaking her arms with more strength than necessary.

She takes his hand off with swift dexterity. "I haven't done anything, Stark. Drop the act!"

"I told you not to tell anyone and you bring your boyfriend."

"What's up with you? I thought you two were best buddies, and he's not my boyfriend by the way, I just thought he could help. He's studied alphas and omegas genetics."

Tony's anger deflates like a perforated balloon. This whole thing is driving him crazy. Of course she's right, they can trust Banner. 

"You're right. I'm sorry."

Natasha brings a gentle hand to his shoulder and gives an affectionate squeeze while showing a compassionate knowing smile. They both join the others. Tony gives a friendly pat on Bruce's back and they chitchat for five minutes before getting down to it.

"Steve was omega before the serum." Tony starts.

Bruce's eyes open wide and the hint of a smile appears on his face. "Really?" He tries to hide his excitement but fails miserably "This is such an unexpectedly great discovery! Does that mean the serum worked _because_ he was omega? Oh my God, this si why-- sorry."

Dr Cho doesn't say anything but she looks pensive. She puts a finger in her mouth and nips at it without thinking. "Why are you telling us this?"

"Apparently the serum changed his status." Tony explains. "I don't know much, but he's not doing great. Physically, he's fine. At least that's what he tells me. He seems to be in perfect health on the outside but what I'm concerned about is not physical."

Natasha opens her mouth slightly and Tony can see emotions on her face for a fraction of a second before she turns impassive again. She nods in acknowledgment.

"Do you think he's mentally unstable?" Bruce asks, a tinge of concern in his voice, saying out loud what everybody is thinking. They all know what supposedly happens to the few alphas and omegas who are still alive. Even Natasha who didn't even believe in their existence in the first place.

"I think he's fine, mostly, regarding his mental health, but emotionally, he's completely lost. And something tells me he has been for months. He's on the verge of breaking down."

"If what they say about alphas and omegas is true, then he must feel horribly lonely here, in addition to being in the wrong century." Natasha adds. "Aren't omegas supposed to be bonded or something?"

"Yeah, something like that." Tony says.

"Actually, they have a bonding gland which once bitten by the alpha will release an hormone that will tie them to their alpha until they die." Bruce explains, relieving Tony from doing so. "The bond is unbreakable, it's a mental, physical and emotional bond. Which is why most omegas die soon after their alpha. The opposite isn't true though, alphas can bond several times. If their mate dies they can form a new bond. Omegas on the other hand are forever tied to their alpha and if the alpha dies they will become half of a person, hollow like an empty shell.

"You seem to know a lot." Tony remarks, surprised. 

"I studied a lot about their bond. I think it's fascinating. I have met some, in India. They are less denigrated there."

"Was Steve bonded?" Natasha asks, interrupting Bruce's bragging. She just had to look at Tony to find out the answer. "Barnes..." She whispers. "Shit!"

Bruce's face turns white with worry too. He knows what it means. 

"So why exactly did you ask us to come, Tony?" Dr Cho asks again, not really understanding about her presence here. She doesn't know Steve personally and she's not that kind of doctor.

"To convince Steve to get examined. I'd like to know what is left of the omega part of him. Because if physically he seems beta, I feel like mentally and emotionally, he's still omega."

"What makes you say that?" Bruce asks. "Have you talked to him?"

Tony sighs and bites his lower lip. "There's something I haven't told you about yet." He starts, looking at Natasha who was staring back with a frown. "When I found Steve two months ago, he was holding a newborn baby in his arms and wouldn't let go of it."

"A baby? Whose baby? Where is it now?" Natasha interrogates as if Tony were her personal mission. 

"Here, in the Tower. They're both here. Dr Cho has been taking care of him." Dr Cho raises her head and nods to him. Natasha looks furious, Bruce pensive. 

"You've been hiding Steve and a newborn kid in your tower for two fucking months Stark?" Natasha accuses angrily. 

"I've been keeping them safe in my tower yeah," Tony justifies himself. "It was either that or Steve would have gone into hiding in the ruins of an abandoned building somewhere in middle-south America."

Natasha stops her reproaches and looks down. 

"So, whose kid is it?" Bruce says. 

"I don't know." Tony says. "He says it's his. I have absolutely no idea where he found him, but I'm convinced he instinctively felt like he had to take care of it. Like, he's diverting his feelings onto him or something, projecting the missing part in himself on that baby."

Natasha brings her hand on her chin pensively. "Possibly. That would explain." 

"I don't know much about omega people but he definitely looks a lot like a very protective mother with the baby." Dr Cho remarks.

"What if it's really his?" Bruce finally says.

"It's mathematically impossible, it's been barely nine months since he's been thawed out and the baby is already two months old."

"The baby was born prematurely," observed Dr Cho. "after more or less seven months of gestation." 

"That means he would have had sex as soon as he woke up, which I guarantee you he hadn't. I was there with him during the first two months of his life in this century. He couldn't possibly have. He was under surveillance 24/7 and didn't even leave his quarters."

"Maybe someone at SHIELD could have come to his room and turn the camera off," Dr Cho adds, "I mean, he's Captain America, surely he must have had admirers. He doesn't even need to be conscious, that kind of things happens unfortunately. I have witnessed something like that with comatose people."

The idea of unconscious Steve being mounted by a sex-hungry woman makes Tony want to throw up. And apparently, he's not the only one. Everybody looks at Dr Cho with a disgusted look on their faces. What kind of a psycho would do something like that? 

"Can an omega impregnate a woman?" Natasha asks.

"I don't know." Tony says. "but the questions doesn't really arise since Steve is beta now, there's no reason he couldn't. Unless he's not completely beta."

"There haven't been any report of alphas or omegas ever having sex with betas, they're just not sexually attracted." Bruce explains.

Tony hums pensively, lost in his thoughts, before going back to the point of their conversation. "If there ever was something like that, then who's the mother? And why isn't she in the picture?" He asks, remembering Steve's words. 

"Did Steve tell you something?" Natasha asks him.

"Only that there's no mother."

The silence grows while everybody is thinking.

"What if there _was_ no mother?" Bruce finally suggests.

The two women look at him doubtfully. Tony on the other hand, feels a pang in his chest, and biles coming up his mouth. He knows what Bruce is referring to. 

"I thought this was a legend." He chokes out as millions of pictures whirlwinds in his head. 

"It's not." Bruce says. "I've seen it."

"You've seen a pregnant omega?" Tony gasps as his heart feels like it's in his throat. 

The two women look shocked. "Omegas can get pregnant?" Natasha asks, looking as dumbfounded as Tony.

"Yes, they can and no, not exactly, but I've met a guy and his mother who happened to be a man, an omega. He was already very old but he told me how he gave birth to three kids."

They all look at each other without saying anything for a long moment. All of them baffled by the suggestion, all of them trying to picture it in their heads. The silence lingers and the atmosphere gets heavy.

It's Natasha who breaks it first. "On the assumption that they can, that would leave us with the same problem." 

"Unless he was pregnant before." Bruce adds.

"That would explain a lot of things." Dr Cho observes. "For example, how this baby survived. If we accept the premise that they can and they have the same gestation as females, which they should since they're human too, it means the baby could have absorbed Steve's blood, and thus the serum, when he came to life. It often happens. That would explain how he survived that long in such a poor shape."

Tony feels shivers at the memory of the bathtub filled with blood in the rundown bathroom and feels nauseous. The idea is just appalling but he just can't ignore it. That would make so much sense.

Natasha seems as disturbed as Tony is. She stares into space, her mouth twisted into a grimace. "I'm err... Sorry, but... I... I'm sorry but how can this be physically possible?"

"Omegas have internal reproductive organs similar to female in addition to their male organs." Bruce explains. 

"But Steve has been beta for years." Tony gasps incredulously. He just can't imagine it even though it would explain so many things. 

"Maybe the serum only stopped the production of the omega hormone which stopped the emission of pheromones, the bonding gland and ended his cycles, as well as his heats, but his reproductive organs remained intact." Bruce suggests.

"He has been examined by SHIELD doctors for at least a hundred times, how could they not see?" Tony exclaims, while looking at Natasha who shrugs in response.

"If they weren't particularly looking for that, they may not have. Ultrasounds are not a systematic test. And I'm pretty sure they weren't checking the pregnancy hormones level on the blood tests." Dr Cho adds. "Besides, reproductive cycles are not a reliable science, a strong emotion can trigger an ovulation. That's completely conceivable. If Steve survived being frozen for seventy years thanks to the serum, it's highly probable that his embryo would too."

Tony is hot and cold at the same time, he can feel his skin getting clammy with sweat. He wipes his hand down on his face with a desperate sigh. Tony had imagined everything. Everything but that. He can't get the bloody bathtub out of his head. And the image of Steve, giving birth in those conditions, on his own. How hopeless and devastated he must have felt. 

"How does it work?" He asks while clearing his throat. 

"Males are not physically made to give birth, omega or not. If they don't get a c-section performed, I don't see anything other than a bloodshed happening." Dr Cho answers. "If this is what happened, it must have been a pretty gory experience. He probably would have died if it wasn't for the serum. He should definitely get checked up. I'm afraid there could have been non negligible internal damages." she adds and apologizes for the poor choice of words when she sees the horrified look on the three others' faces.

"Historically, few omegas survived giving birth, especially in the nineteenth century when they were denied access to medicals." Bruce adds. "Normally, omegas produce another hormone close to endorphin during the delivery which helps bearing the pain. And I think, but I'm not sure about the anatomy, that they have a part that tear open down there. Without that they would very likely pass out and die from blood loss."

"So Steve, as a beta..." Tony interrupts.

"Probably suffered like no-one could ever bear." Bruce finishes the sentence. 

Tony felt his blood freeze in his veins. He remembers the look on Steve's face when he saw him, as if he had aged ten years in a few months. He remembers how he had whimpered when Tony hit him. He was probably still wounded. A horrible feeling of guilt riles up inside of him and makes him want to throw up again. His knees wobble and he needs to sit down.

"Let's be clear on this," Natasha steps in "this is just an hypothesis." she says, as if trying to reassure herself. This is so fucking hard to accept. So fucking hard. 

"It's just an hypothesis." Dr Chow says gently and reassuringly. 

"But a likely one." Bruce adds.

"If this is true, what do we do now?" Natasha asks, trying to recover from the news. Tony is still shuddering everywhere, he hears them distantly while he tries to forget about the horror movie that runs in a loop in his head. It's very much realistic. Too realistic.

"He _needs_ to get examined." Dr Cho insists. 

"There might be something we can do to help with the hormonal thing." Bruce adds.

Tony is still lost in his thoughts, trying to get his head around it. 

"Who is the other dad?" He asks without thinking, out of nowhere. 

They all turn to him. 

"Barnes?"

"The baby's eyes are dark. As dark as coal." He says staring into space.

"Which means?" Natasha asks.

"That it's not Barnes." Bruce answers. 

"Some other alpha then." Natasha shrugs. "I'm sure there were plenty during the war."

"Or not an alpha." Tony says absentmindedly. "Alphas won't go for a beta and most of them must have been already bonded." 

"Which would mean Beta men can impregnate omegas." Bruce says excitedly. "It would be an amazing news for the species." He adds with a voice full of hope.

"So what?" Tony snaps angrily. "Are you planning to have Steve knocked up by all the betas around so he can repopulate the earth with alphas and omegas?" 

Bruce's face pales. "That's not what I meant," he says apologetically. "I was just saying..."

"Saying what?" A deep unexpected voice tinged with anger asks.

They all turn toward the voice in panic, half-surprised, half-guilty.

"Steve..." Tony moans.

"I thought I could trust you." Steve whispers, voice broken. "I hope you're all having a nice chat!" He adds, clearly upset, and turns to leave with fast angry steps.

Tony rushes to him but Natasha holds him by the arm. "I'll go" she says before running after him.

They all look at each other stupidly, guilt and embarrassment painted on their faces

"What do you think he heard?" Bruce tries hesitantly after a few minutes of heavy silence.

"I don't know, probably a lot, super hearing and all." Tony says, while Dr Cho looks very sorry. "Jarvis? how long has Steve been standing there?"

"Long enough, Sir."

"Why did you let him inside?"

"I've been trying to warn you for ten minutes."

 _Shit..._ Tony doesn't even have the strength to be angry at his AI.

Natasha comes back but her face is unreadable.

"How is he?" Tony asks.

"Furious." She answers. "But he'll talk to you. Don't screw this Tony."

Tony sets himself to leave but Natasha catches up to him before he gets out of the door. "Tony wait!" He turns to her. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"You know everything I know about Steve." He says with a soft defeated voice.

"Not about Steve, about you."

Tony looks at her with a startled expression. "I don't know what you're talking about." He sighs.

"Okay." She says acceptingly, and then she adds "I may not seem like a caring person, but I'm a good listener. If you ever wanna talk. And I can keep a secret." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so lame, sorry about that. :( I promise you the same level of lameness for the next...
> 
> And also I forgot to mention, I have absolutely no medical knowledge whatsoever... This is fiction...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To my fervent and faithful readers, thanks a lot for your support, your kudos, your comments. :D It really makes me happy to see your reaction after reading my work. I'm looking forward to that every time I upload a new chapter. So thank you all!
> 
> And err... I had promised a chapter with the same lever of lameness, you know what? This chapter is even more lame than the previous one. Yeah people, I managed that! 
> 
> But hey, I said I would upload before the end of the weekend and I just did!

When Tony entered the living room, Steve was sitting on the huge couch, legs spread and elbows on his knees, lashing out his anger on a poor fork which hadn't asked anyone anything. He bends and curls the long metal object in every direction, grinding his teeth.

"I'm so sorry, Steve." Tony apologizes. "I didn't know what else to do."

"You could have asked me." He mutters as if it was so simple.

"I did. You didn't really answer by the way."

"I _told_ you the _truth."_  He says louder.

" _What truth_ , Steve?" Tony shouts. "What truth..." He repeats, lower. "How was I _supposed_ to know? How could I _ever imagine_ something like that?"

Steve throws the fork across the room in anger and drops his head in his hands. He wipes his face with them letting out a huge sigh and puts his elbows on his knees again to support his chin. He doesn't look at Tony, he stares into space, looking more sad than angry now.

"Is it true?" Tony asks with a trembling voice.

Steve doesn't say anything. He just keeps staring into space, looking down. He pinches his lips and plays with his hands now that the fork is gone. Tony won't have a straightforward answer and he knows it.

"I keep thinking of that bathtub full of blood." He starts with croaky voice. "I can't help seeing you in that bath, Steve. These pictures roll and roll around in my head. Pictures of you dying in a fucking blood bath in a rundown building while holding a sick and scrawny newborn in your arms. How is that even possible? You're a man, for fuck sake! And a fucking beta on top of it. This is just sick! It's sickening and fucking impossible." Tony feels bile coming up his mouth as the images of the bathtub keep flashing back in his head.

He's enraged but he doesn't know why. It's everything, Steve not telling, the reasons why Steve is not telling, the fate that all those omegas were condemned to, all the dirty, abominable things that have been kept secret during all these centuries. It all comes to him at once and makes him nauseous. It all brings it back to himself. He remembers Bruce's words. They would _die from blood loss_. What if Steve did? Anger takes over him and blinds him. "How many times did you die to give birth to that baby, Steve?" He shouts. "How many times?"

Steve glances at him with guilty blue eyes before dropping his gaze, as if it was his fault. It's not his fault, Steve just reacted the way he was always taught to. The same way  _he_ had learned, at his expense, how to live his life behind closed doors. He's not angry at Steve, he's angry at this fucking world. This fucking world that reduces Steve to that, to being that man, cursed by the most unbearable loneliness, forced to apologize for even being alive. He's not angry at Steve but he lashes out at him.

"Why didn't you come to us?" He pleads. "Why did you keep to yourself?" ... But soon his pleading tone turns sour and angry. "What have you _done_ during all those months?" 

Steve is fiddling with his hands. He grimaces, face distorted with a mix of pain, anger and shame and finally answers, with a low broken voice, almost like a whisper. "Don't you know already?"

"What?" Tony lets out, startled. 

Steve continues, voice resigned and defeated. "Didn't you look at my phone or something? If you could hack into SHIELD's server to get my file, surely you could do the same with my phone."

Tony startles at the unexpected turn of the conversation. "How did you--"

"Know?" He finishes Tony's sentence. Then asks "How could you get your hands on my file then?" He says angrily. "How come you have the nerve to be angry at me after what you did behind my back?"

Tony is angry too. "I did it because I needed to know, Steve, about you. Because I wanted to help..." He justifies himself. "I always respected your privacy."

"Have you?" Steve demands bluntly.

"I was  _worried_ about you, and about the kid... What was I supposed to do, huh? You didn't even get checked up once. How do I know that everything's okay with you?" Steve looks down again, a glint of guilt in his eyes. "Look at you Steve, you're a ghost, roaming over this place aimlessly, wandering like a lost soul. You're always looking down, like a fucking pathetic shadow of yourself. This is not a life! What was your big plan, huh? What were you going to do with that baby? You didn't even give him a name! He's already two months old and you still didn't give him a name... Do you even know who the father is?"

"I _am_ his father." Steve reminds him.

"You know what I mean." He whispers in defeat as the anger cools down.

"No, I don't!" Now it's Steve's turn to start with an angry tone. "I don't know what you mean. I don't know what you want. I don't know why you're here."

"I'm here for you." Tony mutters.

"And for what? You think you can help me?" He says with fury in his eyes. "You don't know shit! You don't anything about what I'm going through. Are you omega?"

"No"

"Then you cannot possibly get a hint of what it feels like to be an omega who's lost his mate. You have no damn clue about it! Don't go around and judge me!"

Those words feel like daggers piercing through his heart. He wouldn't know. He would _never_ know. And for a fraction of a second, he felt angry and jealous, because Steve, at least, had been lucky enough to get to know this once.

There is a pause in their argument, in which both of them look at each other, trying to contain the overflowing emotions that they both feel. A mix of pain, anger, guilt and sadness.

"I may not know what's like to lose your mate and I will never know." Tony finally says with a rueful voice "But I know what it's like to be empty, incomplete. I _know_ what it's like to feel like half of a person all the time, to feel like there is always something missing. Believe me, I know!"

There is a short moment in which Steve is looking at him with questioning eyes, confusion written all over his face, as if he finally understands. It doesn't last and soon his features distort with anger again. He looks up, frowning with annoyance.

"What do you think I did for all these months huh?" He rises on his feet and walks in front of Tony. "What do _you_ think? Since you seem to know about everything!" He pushes Tony with restrained violence. "What the fuck have I done for all these months Tony since you know so much about how I feel?"

Tony is startled by the sudden violence in him. He didn't hurt him, but he pushed him, using his physical superiority to prove his point. He stares wide-eyed at the super soldier who had never lost control before, who had never showed any emotions, who had been hiding his despair and misery to the rest of the world by keeping a straight face and an uptight attitude.

_He is breaking down._

"Look!" Steve shouts angrily while holding his phone to Tony's face. _"This_ is what I've done for all those months."

Tony takes the phone in his hand and sees. He sees all the gay apps, he sees Steve's profile... A shudder runs through his body. He had imagined everything, but that. This was how far Steve had gone down. These were the actions of a man who was desperately seeking to fill the agonizing emptiness he feels inside. These were the actions of a man so hopeless and so lonely that nothing mattered anymore. 

Tony knows it all too well, because that's what he's been trying to do all his fucking life.

A wave of anguish overwhelms him. He can't believe what he sees and it reminds him all too well of himself, of those past twenty five years of his life he spent trying to fill that void as well.

"I... I'm... I'm so sorry." He stammers. "I'm so sorry, Steve."

There is a lingering silence between them during which Tony is trying to focus on the super soldier's chest heaving up and down furiously at first and then slowing down as his breathing calms down as well. It helps. It helps focusing.

Steve sits on the couch and looks down, defeated, as if all the worlds issues were resting upon his shoulders.

"I didn't know", he starts and Tony looks at him and listens with all his attention. "I didn't know until I was in labor. I thought I was having a miscarriage again. I honestly didn't think the baby would survive."

Steve pauses and Tony reaches his hands to him, squeezing his shoulder in a comforting gesture. "I'm so sorry, Steve. I'm so so sorry." Steve pressed Tony's hand for a few second before he takes it off his shoulder.

"I had no idea who the sire was." He continues. "It could have been anyone. I wasn't sure until today. I really didn't think you would be the one judging me."

"I'm not judging you Steve. I will _never_ judge you. There is nothing wrong with doing what you're doing, if that what makes you happy. But it doesn't make you happy, does it?" He pauses to see a reaction on Steve's face but he remains impassive. "It just breaks my heart to see you like this. It just breaks my heart because this is not you. Your kind was made to be with one partner for the rest of your life. Not to live like this, trying desperately to fill a bottomless hole inside of you."

Steve looks up to Tony, eyes full of sorrows with a glimpse of gratefulness in them.

"I..." He starts. "I can't..."

Steve never finished his sentence because his super hearing caught something that Tony only heard a few second later,  he raises up instinctively and rushes to his room.

* * *

Tony went down to the workshop to get his mind of things.

He realizes he was down there much longer than he had originally planned to when he sees the time at the first emergency call from JARVIS.

"You need to come up, Sir."

His heart starts racing like every time there's an emergency call. "What's up?" He asks with false nonchalance.

"This is urgent." _Which is kind of the point of an emergency call Jarvis, but thanks I appreciate the_ _effort._

"Prepare Mark IV, J!"

"I think you can manage without, Sir."

This however is quite unusual and makes his heart heave in his chest as a wave of panic runs through his body. "What's wrong J?"

"The baby woke up, sir. I think he needs feeding."

"WHAT?" He asks in shock. Why would he need to come up and feed the baby? So far, Steve hasn't even let him take him in his arms. He can feel his heart clench at the possibility that something happened. "Where is Steve?"

"Captain Rogers is gone."

The words don't need interpretation, but Tony just can't understand, or refuses to understand what those words mean. 

"What do you mean Steve's gone?"

"He took all his belongings and left, Sir."

"And he left the baby here?" He asks in a trembling unbelieving voice.

"Unless someone hacked into my system and runs a fake video of him crying in his cradle in a loop, I believe he did, Sir."

 

Tony rushes up into Steve room and sees the baby boy crying in his cradle, just like Jarvis said.

The panic settles in his stomach. "What do I do now, Jarvis?" He asks more out of desperation than to get a true answer. He gets one though.

"Captain Rogers left a series of oral instructions to take care of the baby before he left. As well as a written note on the bedside table."

Tony stands still for a second, mouth opening and closing in shock. He's slowly realizing what just happened while looking around the empty nest.

He snaps out of it and rushes to the baby who is now screaming. He's trying to calm him down but nothing works. 

"What's on the note, J?"

"I have no idea, Sir."

While rocking the baby back and forth in an attempt to reassure him before feeding him, Tony walks to the bedside table and take the note in his hand.

_You can name him, Tony. He's your brother._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all saw that coming but yeah, it happened. Sorry guys... 
> 
> I'm a little bit excited because I finally completed a second work. YEAY ME!
> 
> So my head is already boiling with ideas for later works. Next time, I think we'll see a bit more about Steve's past and how he met Howard. 
> 
> I hope you will join me on this new adventure! ;-)


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